Singer Kelly Clarkson was so miserable after shooting to fame on "American Idol," she contemplated quitting music.

The "Miss Independent" hitmaker was catapulted into the spotlight after she won the inaugural series of the TV talent show in 2002, but admits her career got off to a shaky start because she didn't have a mentor to guide her.

She tells Redbook magazine, "I'm going to be completely honest - I had no one looking out for me.

"They were looking out for the show, and it was horrible. I was 19 years old. I was smart enough to know that it wasn't about me, but that didn't make it any easier. I'm all cried out about it, but my first four years, I hated my life; I almost quit a dozen times."

The pop star is now happier than ever thanks to her boyfriend Brandon Blackstock, but insists she is still waiting for the relationship to fall apart.

Clarkson adds, "Where's the kick in the a**? I told my assistant that today. I said, 'I'm just waiting for something to blow up.' She said, 'No, that's what happiness is.' I'm like, maybe I've never been happy! Because Brandon does, he makes me happy."